Eight Legged Geek
by Hewylewis
Summary: My first story, cowritten by WimpScribe. Shake is bitten by a radioactive spider down in the sewers and slowly starts to mutate, he of course thinks its puberty. Please Read and Review.


**Prologue **

The Laboratory of Dr. Weird, South Jersey Shore

cut to inside of laboratory

Dr. Weird: Gentlemen, Behold… I am… a WOMAN!

Dr. Weird looks exactly the same as normal except for the fact that he has boobs the size of beach balls expanding his dress. He is also wearing a mop on his head with the handle broken off.

Steve: (beat) I'm happy for you. (nervous smile)

Dr. Weird: Now we can get married!

Steve: (beat) But… I'm afraid of commitment!

Steve just stands for a minute then runs for his life

Dr. Weird: COME BACK AND GIVE ME SOME SUGAR!

**Opening Credits**

Cut to Shake yelling into a manhole

Shake: You better not come out until you find it

Meatwad: (voice echoes since he's in the manhole) Aww man, why do I have to look for it? Why don't you look for it?

Shake: Because I'm a college undergrad and this manual labor is beneath me. Now keep looking!

Meatwad: You in college!

Shake: Yes. I am currently majoring in "Flash on you" with a minor in "Your mama, too!"

Frylock flies out the door and hovers next to shake

Shake: (just noticing Frylock) Oh, hi Frylock. What are you doing away from your computer? Don't you have some other friendless jerks to chat with?

Frylock: What the hell are you doing?

Shake: Is that anyway to talk to your only friend?

Frylock: You're lucky I let you sleep in my house. What the hell are you doing?

Shake: Someone flushed my PDA down the toilet, now I've sent Meatwad down into the sewers to get it!

Frylock: Shake, the sewers are full of highly infectious diseases! Meatwad could get sick.

Shake: I see your point. When he gets out, don't let him touch me.

Meatwad: I'm feeling woozy down here.

Shake: Shut up!

Frylock: Get down there and get him!

Shake: Are you nuts? You just said so yourself that it's full of disease and bacteria and alligators and Mexicans and…

Frylock's eyes light up

Shake: Alright, alright.

Shake starts to climb down the manhole

Shake: But remember who the leader is, Frylock. I am the big kahuna, and don't you forget it!

Frylock: Get in there!

Shake: Yes sir!

cut to Shake finding meat wad, covered in feces, a PDA is sticking out of him

Shake pulls the PDA out of meatwad

Shake: oh great, now it's garbage.

Shake throws the PDA away. It explodes for no reason

Meatwad: Can we get outta here, now? I'm getting scared. I don't know if this is my mess, or somebody else's.

Shake: Don't you fret, Baby Jane. There's nothing scary down here. (Spots a large spider on a glowing barrel) Except that spider.

Meatwad: SPIDER, OH NO! GET HIM AWAY FROM ME!

Shake picks up the spider

Shake: Don't like it, do you?

Meatwad: No!

Shake: You wanna meet Mr. Spider?

Meatwad: No! he's scary!

Shake: Oh come on Meatwad. The spider wants you to kiss it.

Meatwad: Nuh-uh!

Master Shake chases Meatwad down the sewers before Shake suddenly stops

Shake: The son of a bitch bit me.

Meatwad: Serves you right…

Shake: Shut up! You're not helping! It hurts like hell.

Meatwad: You didn't you kiss him.

Shake: Okay, that's it! Into the poo juice!

Shake tosses Meatwad into the pool of waste below. The "muddy waters" take him down the streets and out of an industrial spout in a fifty-foot drop

Meatwad: (As he falls) Daaaaammmmmmnnnnn…

Cut to Aqua teen's living room

Frylock examines Shake's bite mark

Shake: Geez, Shake. What kind of spider bit you?

Meatwad: I don't care. He paid for it. Moved into Footsville. Population: One.

Frylock: I don't like the look of this bit at all. How do you feel?

Shake: Right now, I feel like eating a coffee can full of bacon fat.

Frylock spots some hairs on Shake's chin

Frylock: What the hell is that?

Shake: What? (notices the hairs) Well, looks like I'm the first one of us to reach maturity. (looks down at himself around the waist area) Almost there!

Frylock: You aren't the first, Shake. I have a beard.

Shake: That's chin mold. You're not foolin' anybody.

Frylock plucks one of the hairs off

Shake: Ow! What the hell did you do that for?

Frylock: These hairs don't look normal, I'm going to run some tests on them.

Frylock hovers off-screen

Shake: Yeah that's right, go to your lab and stroke your test tubes like I know you love to do.

Meatwad: (beat) Why would he do that?

Shake: Shut up and go to bed.

Meatwad: But it's three o'clock in the after noon.

Shake kicks him off-screen

Cut scene to Meatwad flying out the second floor windo.

Meatwad: (As he falls) Daaaaammmmmmnnnnn…

Cut to the next mourning

Shake is hanging on the ceiling as Frylock enters the room

Frylock: Oh my God, Shake!

Shake: huh, wha, what? (falls onto the floor) Why did you wake me up Frylock?

Frylock: You were on the ceiling.

Shake: I was? No wonder I feel so light headed.

Frylock notices four large lumps near Shake's eyes

Frylock: What are those lumps under your eyes?

Shake: It's acne! I'm becoming a man!

the lumps open up to reveal four large yellow eyes

Frylock: Oh my God, those aren't lumps, they're eyes!

Shake sees Frylock through segmented vision

Shake: Oh hey! You cloned yourself. Did you need that many clones.

Frylock: I think you're turning into a spider.

Shake: Woah! Hell yeah! Now I can get some kick ass shades. What did you say?

Frylock: I did an analysis on those hairs I plucked off you and the results said they were arachnid.

Shake: What the hell does that mean?

Frylock: THEY'RE SPIDER HAIRS!

Meatwad rolls in

Meatwad: What the fart is goin on in here?

Frylock: Shake is turning into a mutant spider-type creature.

Shake: Correction, Frylock. I'm turning into a spider-type super hero.

Meatwad: Yup, he's turning into Batman.

Shake: Spider-Man you ignoramus! Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta go.

Meatwad: Champion of justice. Guardian of the night. Rated R. Starring Michael Keaton and Jack-In-The-Box. Free cups at Taco Bell. Collect them all.

Shake starts to head for the door

Frylock: Where are you going?

Shake: I'm going over to Carl's bug zapper to see if he has any Kentucky Fried Flies.

Slams the door

Frylock: Come on Meatwad, we're goin into that sewer to check out that spider.

Cut to Shake walking up to Carl in his front yard. Carl is watering the grass

Shake: Hey Carl!

Carl: Up yours! Woah! What the hell happened to you, you have sex with a cockroach? HAHAHAHA!

Shake: HAHAHAHAHA Very funny, Carl. Anyway, I'm feeling hungry.

Carl: I ain't got no food. (sprays him with hose) Go back to your rock!

Shake: (glares at Carl hungrily) I said… I'm hungry.

Carl: And I said kiss my ass!

Shake sprouts mandibles and starts to drool

Carl: Oh sh(BLEEEP)t.

Cut to Frylock and Meatwad in the sewer, wearing decontamination suits

Frylock: Ok, Meatwad. Tell me where you saw that spider.

Meatwad: Over there. On top of those drums of twinkie filling.

Frylock hovers to the drums

Frylock: Oh my god, this explains it! These are drums of toxic waste!

Meatwad: What explains what?

Shake: The spider that bit Shake must've been mutated by this stuff.

Carl screams off-screen

Frylock: Come on!

Cut to Frylock and Meatwad entering Carl's backyard

Frylock: Oh my God!

Shake now sports eight legs under his cup and mandibles

Carl is now as skinny as a skeleton and is tied up in a huge spider web

Shake: Oh hi, guys! I'm fixing a bar-b-que. Wanna join in?

Carl: Help me! He's sucked all the fat outta ma body!

Meatwad: (chuckles) Sounds like an improvement to me. You can lose weight too. Call 1-800--

Shake spits webbing out of his straw and ties him to the web

Meatwad: AAAAHHHHHHHH! Get me outta here, Frylock!

Carl: Get us BOTH outta here, Fryman! Blast him!

Frylock: But, but I can't. He's my friend. (raises an eyebrow) Wait, no he isn't.

Frylock fires his lasers at shake

Shake explodes

Carl: Can someone untie me now, here?

Frylock unties Meatwad and Carl

Carl collapses to the ground due to his weightlessness

Carl: Terrific. Yeah. Ladies love a man with a johnson like beef jerky.

Meatwad: Frylock, don't you feel bad about what you've done.

Frylock: (beat) No. Actually, I feel kind of good.

Meatwad: Ok, let's go get some ice cream.

Shake drops onto the ground, missing some legs and a mandible

Shake: (coughs) Frylock, why did you do that? I almost had him in my mouth!

Frylock: You hear something?

Meatwad: Naw.

Carl: I hate you all. (three beats) Listen. Can I get some Ice Cream? Pistachio?

**Closing Credits**


End file.
